[Updated] Defining My “Imaginary Wall”

I feel like I’ve hit the wall. Just like the movie “Clueless” back in 1995, most specifically “Cher” who was played by Alicia Silverstone where she was trying – all in her best – to survive the ups and downs of her adolescent life. Her external demeanor sort of buried her true self – charming, smart, and a truly phenomenal woman. The world she lived in, realistically up until now, was full of contributing factors to her great “cluelessness’” as to what’s really out there and that the world her eyes chooses to see has more than what it’s worth.

A combination of different things is making me crave for changes. The big inspiration is having been to San Francisco over three years ago and I, since then, had been hoping for rather immediate life transformation. After realizing that it wasn’t possible, I’ve considered re-focusing some of my attention to other things such as spending more quality time with my mom, re-connecting to my old habits, exploring other activities that doesn’t involve friends, and devoting some ‘me’  time whenever I get a chance – or should I say whenever I get away from my Mon-Fri/11-7pm prison? It feels great though. I don’t know, but it does. However, the “doing it alone” does appear to have that negative connotations, I think, to most people. Perhaps that idea when actualized, perceived or otherwise, a self-beneficial interest of solitaire, that space is ULTRA-essential between you and the rest of the world.

I think part of the cons of being fascinated with solitaire confinement is that you dodge every single human being and their respective, possibly shady interests and agendas go bouncing off the wall. As I live my life each day, year after year, I’m finding out that I’m wanting different things or actually valuing different things. Analogically, much like dating that every single failed candidate, you clearly see what you want and what you don’t want. Prospects give you all levels of perspective satisfaction, and in return, we tend to search for whomever that person is who would otherwise ‘go with the flow’ with your own conclusion or reasoning and discard anyone that doesn’t suit your perspective. I quite frankly may slightly have that problem, which I have to admit I need to re-shape it for good. I need to be more open-minded and able to accept different sides of life and people for their individuality.

I’m so ready to take another vacation. I could use a long, stress-free, warm (low humidity) environment, where not a single conference call would even have the ability coming through my phone circuit. Definitely a place where absolutely no reception, other than 911 calls, for any type of calls to get through. I need to invest more of the me  time – quality me time – so that I can get to know myself again.

Good thing the weather has been calming down a bit. I would have been gaining a few here and there, otherwise. Quite honestly, I have been slacking beyond big time in working out and I think partly because of my crazy schedule and workload lately. “De-workaholizing myself, too, is on the list of things I need to do! I’m too much a movie slut, if you will, that I would give up a somewhat moderate day for a good ‘ole Marvel movie with cheddar cheese popcorn.

So, today’s horoscope is on the spot, yet again. I’m taking it to mean that I have to be extra careful when making decisions and that there’s a limit to what you can do at a given time, at a given place, and at a given situation, and what changes I should make and figure out the best way how to implement them:

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): The new moon focuses on emotions and feelings, and generates high levels of wisdom and sensitivity. You’ll be in a strong position to calm and soothe a minor quandary, and you’ll be able to keep all parties happy without having to take sides. Don’t allow this issue to absorb all of your time today, though!

Can Coin Toss Help?

Have you ever felt confused as to the many things you wanted versus things you desire? How about things perceived as needs versus the hypothetical “should”? Do you find distinguishing their individual values quick and easy? More often than not, souls with so much history being feeling stranded in their dark times, feeling uneasy with their choices in life, pattern of seemingly endless heartache and pain in their whole life – these questions pose from time to time breaking them apart hoping to find true answers. Answers for which one must find within itself. Itself alone.

Probably dreaming or imagining what their “true meaning” should be, perhaps for most, are relatively painless. Every mile stones in our life we seem to associate with some sort of evaluation as to whether they are what we needed, or should have, or wanted. We often debate their value and lots of times we never really go by these categories. Life just goes as it wants to, as it needs to, and as it should. Things just happens for a reason. What that is or are remains a question.

What I refer to as “things” on this note may include the typical actual materials, the day-to-day events in our life, the easy and rather difficult decisions we make each day, the people around us that most believe to be “what make the world go around”, the hopes we continue to seek, our wishes that someday will come true, “the” relationship we desire. All of these are perhaps to some extent true in the sense of our relationship to them, why and how we conquer these things, hold them in our possesion, remain hopeful they will all come true. One would say our bond to everything surrounding us is the mightiest of them all, in all positive aspects whatever that maybe. But, mightiest may also mean the hardest, the darkest of all time, in which our emotions, our minds, our actions are based upon.

Relationship, a word for most is too powerful, is truly powerful in the context of intimate bond between two persons, whether gay or straight. This bond brings the best and worst of people and is something that can be developed and by which each person is inspired because of something they feel or think greater than themselves. But, as what many of you know, what is created can be destroyed and from which it can be rebuilt.

I see an important question, from talking about what I think relationship is, is how to make one. What do you need to build one? Must one have the ability to do so?

Everyone has the ability to develop relationships, most importantly within themselves and, of course, for people around them. Most would say that is an easy and light mountain to move – but little as one might know that is an incredible task, to some folks, that can never be easy. At times people are afraid of relationships; turn their back away from commitments and rather keep disconnected to some extent comfortable for them. Perhaps, in their alone time they ask the questions “Why can it be easy? Why things must be hard? Why am I afraid of it? Is it all about me?”.

Relationship teaches us a lot of different things. A lot of it is about ourselves. Something about ourselves we don’t seem to be aware until we see ourselves in the context of others. Many of us wonder what else is about is we don’t know about. The characters we make ourselves in, the attitude we project to others, what they can and cannot appreciate, and the character we are meant to be. Knowing and appreciating yourself and your potentiality plays a significant role in our relationships to others.

What people often see on the outside is the projection of our inner mentality and emotions, perhaps a preview of what we really are on the inside. Each of us, and not just Gemini’s, do play the good and evil side of us depending upon what is going on around us. There is the all-natural angelic side of us and the other is the “never try to push my button” type of personality. This reminds me of something like Hulk. On the outside, you see him “get angry” when provoked most especially if the love of his life is in jeopardy. And, only she can diffuse him only with her gentle touch and soft spoken voice. In a lot of ways, we are somewhat like Hulk. As Hulk might look unreal and scary, he has a good side of him. A good side which can turn into someone’s nightmare when provoked and/or questioned.

Conceptually in real life, we turn ourselves into this very often, and a lot of times other people motivates the evil part of us take over. So the question is – how do we control this? What must one have to do? In the context of relationship, the so called “give and take” can do it all for you. This isn’t something conveniently abundant and easy access for everyone to have but this does take a whole lot of work. A whole lot maybe an exaggeration; however, exploring ourselves in all layers is required whether our being fit in this “give and take” method, if you will.

Perhaps, I would consider that as one of the important elements in a relationship. In a relationship will teach you how to give and learn how to take. Neither giving or taking is an easy task. It requires sub-standardizing expectations, if you will, allowing time to learn more about your chemistry towards the other person. Again, this isn’t a quick and easy job! It does take a lot of patience, positive attitude and outlook in a relationship, the undying passion with which you take every single step and hurdles along the way. Truth is – all true with your head help up high!

As I grow older and my life continue to unfold before my eyes, I see many people afraid from their lives, suffer from their failures and fears, reserved from making decisions and taking risks, and people with their future completely taken over by their past. Perhaps their past too painful to let go and/or part of themselves are somewhat embedded into it and can’t seem to cut the rope pulling them back.

This is when reflection to oneself is very important. Question whether your relationship built within you is as strong as it should be. Likelihood is both, either yes or no. As one famous writer and inspiration to all, “Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em”. Some are born strong, some are born weak, some are born bound to be strengthen or weaken — and I think everyone do have that potential to be strong and become the person they are meant to be.

And, in additon, everyone is bound to bond with someone intimately. A healthy and productive relationship can be at hand, if you want it. And when you do, it’s not the same as the genie in the bottle that all it takes it a rub or two — but believe it or not, a work is at hand to make a good relationship to work. It’ll work if you make it to work. I’m no doctor about these things but I believe unconditional love, credible trust, and undenying loyalty makes it all happen. Just think, it’s not all about you, it’s a “us” and a “we”. Putting them first before you is what is all about.

Just believe in it. A coin toss will NOT help figure out how living should be. Living in this world is full of relationship to things and your fellow human beings. It is up to you how to live it. As an old man said to me before “you only live once, live it at your best”.

EDIT: I am inspired to write this about my two cents regarding relationships. Someone who is dear to me and will always be. My heart goes above and beyond to this person and wishing nothing but the best.

[Updated] The Pursuit of a New Home

The biggest stressor in my life right now is dealing (and often times deny) with the fact that, still at this point, I’m still mentally, emotionally, and financially incapable to relocate to either California or Florida. I keep wondering when I’m able to pay off all my bills; wondering how I can do it all quick and easy (prognosis: not very likely); wondering how am I to deal with being away from my family and friends; wondering what either of these places has in line to offer me.

I have to be honest — I’m a little impatient and anxious. I keep oscillating the idea of moving either now or after achieving my CAE designation in two years. At the moment, my mind tells me wait until I get that three-letter designation after my name, find a job in the west coast, then move. But, even then, I’m still not sure how things would turn out. Will it be how I imagined it? Or will it be beyond what I would have expected, in a good way? Or not.

Everyday I ask those questions, and you know what keeps me trudging along is the fact that I have the undying love from my family and the incredible support from my friends and, of course, the desire that someday I’ll intersect with what they call ‘special someone’. For whatever reason, I feel that someone out there in California is holding his breath until I “touch down”. And, because my experience here in Washington, DC to find someone worth dating have failed almost every attempt and that if I don’t do anything and everything in my power to relocate, I would be passing a great opportunity to finally meet that mysterious soul-mate. Odd I would say but it certainly feels unimaginably real. It feels like a dream you would never, not for one second, want to wake up from. So real that it’s hard to let go.

Then, I realized, however, that this isn’t just about me. Could it be something else, other than what I wish in life? I’m hyper-aware of everything that would take to make this a reality, the unanticipated consequences that comes with it, the sacrifices and hard work of it all, and the heartache of being away from love ones, and most especially, surviving it all independently. And, all in the name of independence. All in the name of my interest in pursuing a new home, a new life, a new beginning. Despite of all this raging desires and ambitions, reflections brings an important question — are you really up for it? Do I have what it takes? Is this what you really want? The what seems endless “what if’s” scenarios keep flashing back in front of me, continually posing these questions — and finding answers to them is slowly becoming a real challenge.

I wish it is not happening in the way things are going, but I get it… If I had more control over things, they would not be the way they are.

I wish that I can get up one morning and decide to move to wherever I want. California just happened to be where most of my family friends and relatives live. Though I have cousins in New York, I am reluctant with the idea of living in New York. I’m sure New York is as enjoyable as San Francisco – but I’d rather be cruising out in the west coast, where some of us — gay people — would feel ‘at home’, if you know what I mean. It is a place, certainly more lenient with any type of lifestyle you wish to live and not feel judged. As much as that sounded unrealistic (judgments happens everywhere), you can call this place Home. A place where you’d feel the world isn’t on you for a change.

I’ve got it bad, really bad…but there’s nothing bad about this. All I want to do is find myself some place new, able to spark endless possibilities, create a new direction for my career and essentially build my family–and again all in the name of being me. Also to prove myself I can do this on my own outside my family supporting me and that I can make my achievements and get through struggles preferably with no one’s help, but mine. I just hope that I don’t lose the burning interest in me and that I move forward with achieving my goals no matter what it takes. If time is what’s at stake, I will spare it. If money is what it needs, I will afford it. If leaving my family would involve it, I will have to compromise my longing. All of that I will need to consider when that time comes. In order to get where I want to be, I’ll have to close my eyes and bite the bullet. I hope my support system will continue pushing me forward.

I’m usually determined to get what I want – but, at this point in time, I will have to slow down my engine and take one thing at a time. I’m sure I’ll get to where I want to be in no time. With a little patience and remaining focused, I’m sure I’ll find myself waking up to a beautiful sunny Cali. The road to success is there; all it takes is a ride and go over bumps along the way. Keep telling myself “hard work will make reward sound sweet at the end”.

Sorry this whole entry was slightly mushy and perhaps annoying – but the numbness of my robotic heart finally start to wear off and now longing for what it needs.

EDIT: I know I blogged about this before and probably getting old now – but I just wanted to sparks those firey moments as volcanoes does with their hell-heated lavas from time to time. Entries like this may be the theme for a little while until when I have rather significant milestone to talk about. This entry is indicative of my rather impatience and self-centric ego to live in California! If me moving to San Francisco doesn’t turn very well, at least I have a home I can always come back to. But, at least I gotta try it. That’s the only way. Wish me luck. I need it!

Half-Full? or Half-Empty?

Well, well, well. 2009 is finally here. God, what has happened so far? So many things that has happened that I don’t even know where to start. Definitely this month went by too fast that I barely felt January was even here.

My January started off with many parties during the first week, then second week was to catch up with work after close to a two-week holiday vacation (totally awesome!!!), then a business trip to New Orleans, LA a couple of weeks ago. I had a fabulous time in New Orleans and that includes meeting Jenene, my ex co-worker who lives in downtown N.O., and getting a sense of what Bourbon St. is like and other great places. She showed me downtown, the French Quarter, Casino, the Super Dome, St. Charles St. where famous and multi-million houses are, drove around following the trolley-tracks, the famous Bourbon St., and a drive-thru Daquiri (don’t ask me!). We had a great time that evening!

In addition to that, my clients and I went to different restaurants for dinner – Red Fish and Palace Cafe. Both of which are well known of their excellent, 5-star dining experience. If you like seafood, this is THE place to be! I had some of their signature dishes and having an authentic cajun food was truly awesome. One other place was Cafe De Mond which is legendry in New Orleans with their beneighs and hot chocolate. If you visit N.O., you most definitely have to visit this place. You’ll be amazed what they have there. No beneighs and of course Jazz music while down there is not a New Orleans visit! So I’ve heard.

Well, as a tradition, I went to “The Oz” which apparently the most popular gay bar/dance club in downtown New Orleans. The joint was pretty interesting in that although it isn’t as big as DC clubs, the clientel was diversed and just plainly hot. What happens in New Orleans stays there, too! LOL. I had a great time that evening but not so much the next day. After having close to ten SOB wasn’t so cool if you need to get up at 6 am for a morning meeting. It sucks. It does. Bad. In anyway, I had a fabulous time!

Now after my meeting it was time to catch up. As it turns out I have absolutely no time to breath from this program as I am due to organize yet another program like right about NOW! I know, tell me about it. I worked my ass off for 10 months for that program and it was over in 3 days. And now, I have to put together another one. What excites me though this time is that the program will be in San Francisco, CA! Woot!!!! So excited! OK, let me be honest, I can’t wait to see Miguel there again. I really can’t wait. Mmmm… anyway… that’s that.

So it turns out I have yet another two-day business meeting in Rhode Island in 3 weeks. I will be meeting with the company that I use for our abstract management. We’ll be discussing how we establish our online system to accept abstracts for our next program which is the one I was just talking about. It will be fun to meet with the people that I communicate via email and phone in person. It’s always nice to put a face to a name. Anyway, I touched base with my guy and we both are highly anticipating each other to discuss business matters. My guy, Scott, is very nice and responsive. I can’t wait to see him in Rhode Island in less than 3 weeks.

After my trip there, my Mom and I might be going to San Francisco for her birthday which will be in March. It may not be the whole week but I want to take her there for the weekend. That would be her birthday gift from me. As I have mentioned it before I’d do anything for me. Anything that makes her happy and also makes me happy.

OK so lots of travel plans so far during my 2009. New Orleans, then Rhode Island, then San Francisco, then probably Blue Ridge Mountains for camping in April for my birthday. We shall see. Point of all of this is that 2009 will offer me lots of great opportunities to travel anywhere and anytime. That’s my goal this year – LOTS OF TRAVEL! So if you have any suggestions, drop me a note and I would much appreciate it.

Year 2008 Recap

We’re counting the rest of our 2008 days, aren’t we??? Yes, I agree with probably most of you. 2008 went flying by us so quickly that it feels like it never came. One day I was thrilled about the fact I had to have a New Year’s Resolution and guess what–I’m here almost due to have another one! Probably I will have same thing but with slight modification(s). Though I suppose it will all depends on how much success I’ve made with my 2008 goal!

But, before I even think about my next year’s goal, I want to recapture some things that has happened during this past year that I would like to highlight and remember the good things about them before this year ends as it probably wouldn’t mean as much shortlyafter the new year comes. Because by then I would be all full geared into the new year and excited to have a refreshing start.

This past year, it has been great and eventful. Most of which had something to do with my family, work, and of course, love life. Who couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about that??? A few things I will mention here and some things I won’t, just because I feel it’s just something I want to keep for myself. The following may seem insignificant but I feel like sharing them to you.

Here are some highlights for my year 2008:

• Had a week-long meeting for my client in Washington, DC in January and reconnected with some of the volunteers that work for our association. It was kind of nice to have seen them again.
• Last February was the second year since Silas and I broke up. He’s moved on since then and so did I and we both are in good terms. We, however, don’t talk as much. That’s just the way it is.
• Last March I got an apartment in Manassas, which is only 15 minutes away from my job in Fairfax. Oh, and hear this, only a 5-7 minutes ride to my gym! Woot! I still live there and will still be for a little while… But who knows!
• Also last March I took the Program Development position at my job. I love it and I’m glad that I accepted the offer. There are times, however, that it drives me nuts but I look at it as a learning experience and also to fade away from doing marketing and advertising.
• Last May I had the most fabulous trip ever! Went to San Francisco for a week-long meeting for one of my clients. I must say it has been the best trip thus far. I’ve met Miguel there who showed me some parts of San Francisco especially the gay area of it. Did a whole lot of things with them while I was over there. He was such an amazing, attractive guy. I can’t wait to see him again next year.
• This year has also been my second year being a member of Lifetime Fitness. I’ve met several folks there and also checked them out, too! LMAO! But the real highlight on this is that I’ve been working out a lot more this year than last year. Seeing some difference but I still need to work on my eating habits…and also drinking habits. It’s not so bad but I need to cut down.
• Also this year I went to see my first broadway show called Grease in New York, in which Ace Young and other amazing stage actors and actresses played. It was really awesome and I look forward to going back there again to catch another show.
• Our boss, Jerry, peacefully passed away this year and everyone does feel very awkward to have been left behind by a sweet and loving man. We miss you, Jerry!
• Also this year my stepdad Rob came out of the closet finally. He is now getting to know his true self and making up for all of those years that he didn’t have the opportunity to be himself.
• This year I got to hang out a lot more with my brother and his girlfriend, Risa. I’ve gotten to know her family and not to mention they are very accomodating family.
• My relationship to some people went cold this year simply because of issues that were never addressed. I don’t expect anyone to rebuild it unless of course that’s what they truly want and naturally if I also want it rebuilt. Will not mention their names here but they know who they are.
• Also this year my love life was somewhat on a rocky boat for the most part. It turns out I need someone that has ambitions in life, possesses an active lifestyle, and someone who can make time for me. Met several people over the last year. Some did matter, some I though didn’t matter, and of course some didn’t matter AT ALL!  This quest will continue in 2009 until someone fills in that position. But, for the meantime, I’m a single, happy man.

Now, for 2009, not sure how it is going to turn out. I can only have but so much control but I hope that 2009 has better things in line for me. I know for sure though, however, that I’ll be doing a few travels this year. Coming up is in New Orleans, LA in mid January.

I will blog separately about what I plan to do in 2009. Most likely lots of traveling. I love to travel anytime, anywhere whenever possible.

So that’s 2008! Not so exciting but again some part of maybe lonely but never boring. Never. Happy New Year’s to you…and I shall see you in 2009!

Aiming for A+ Yet Again

I think I might have already blogged about this – but in the coming months, I will plan to register for yet another class at NOVA this Winter. This is sort of an addition to what I already studied last Fall 2007 and Winter of this year. It turned out that the CAE certification exam requires 100 CAE hours for those who plan to take the examination in 2010. I’ve already completed 90 CAE hours and so I need to accumulate 10 more. This upcoming class will give me 45 CAE addional hours, which would put me over the required CAE hour requirement. I suppose it doesn’t hurt to have too many than not having enough…

Well, guess who will be taking that exam that time…me! I’m not quite happy with how the policy changed in just a matter of a year or so – but I knew, however, that I need to get all the requirements met before I can apply to sit for the exam. At the time I hated the fact that I have yet to register for another class and now I’m quite looking forward to it.

Now the challenge is to figure out which course I should take, a class that would keep my interest going as long as possible would be difficult to determine. I actually gave it some thoughts towards the end of my last class back in March which course that makes more sense. Two of things I had in mind was either Social and Public Policy or Financial Management for Non-Profits. These were the two best candidates as oppose to the other ones like hotel management, which I am not in the business for, or meeting planning, which I have already taken and passed. And not to mention, got an A+! I also thought about taking Publishing course but it’s not so relevant to what I do now. However, knowing some publishing principles is quite essential in the association management industry.

I really need to be thinking about this as soon as possible before registration closes. I’m glad that I’m thinking of this kind of stuff now rather than later. Actually I’m excited about going back to school. I’m looking forward to getting off early at work once a week to go to school and stuff, writing papers, etc. Not at the rushing point when a paper is due or the final paper – but the ability to write a thesis and go back and read what you wrote every now and then. Whenever you have a passion about something you like to see the end-product as numerous as you like. In my case, I like to write and read. Anyway, whatever it is I think I will enjoy going back to school again. I may be able to meet folks – different folks – this time around. And besides I need something to keep me occupied other than just doing the typical work and gym stuff.

Well, I’ve got someone whom I can do “other” stuff with now. (I hope it goes on and on…) He seems to be nice and always enthusiastic to see me (and vice versa!). Rich is his name. He’s in North Carolina right now, but he and I are looking forward to hanging out this Saturday at his condo. We briefly talked about cooking dinner together on Saturday night. That should be fun! I’m really looking forward to it.

Anyway, that’s the news for now. Time for another round at school and always on the hunt for stuff to keep myself occupied. Any suggestions? Let me know.

Ciao!

Waiting for Everything to Surface

Last Friday was my third year mark being with my company and I must say it has been somewhat challenging adventure but relatively very good experience. Though I feel like I’ve only worked for few months and here I am three years after and I’m still there. Most would say “Gosh I feel like it’s been forever!” – but in my case there has been so many things throughout those years that time went flying over my head without me knowing it. I couldn’t believe it!

Though I’m still in the air in terms of what I would see myself do for the next year. Since I recently took the Program Director position, I will be in that position for a long time. Not just because it’s another Director position but the nature of the job and the atmosphere that you share with other folks is quite frankly very pleasant. I get to work with deans and professors from various prominent universities all over the U.S. Very professional and fun people to work with!

My boss and I had a brief discussion of what is ahead of me. Before she had the chance to say what she had planned for me, I told her what I would like first. First off the list is letting go advertising completely, then second is membership. Like I said I like being the Program Director so I expressed the interest in keeping that position and maybe do more executive stuff (i.e. working directly with the board and with different committees, etc). Not sure if that will happen but we shall see…

You know I can’t complain much about my job. I really can’t. I get to pretty much do what I want and how I want to do them. That’s the beauty of being in my position in a way that you have the opportunity to lead and shape the organization, in terms of internal processes, etc. It’s a tough job, though! But, if I can do it, anyone else can…

We haven’t schedule my annual review yet but I hope it happens very soon. Hopefully I will be able to get a new car with the raise I’m getting. I know it’s presumptuous but I shall see. I better get to crunching the number…lol.

Anyway, I can’t wait to be off Marketing and get on with my career to a different path but I’m waiting for everything to surface before I consider options…

Perhaps A Career Change?

Over the course of 6 years (tomorrow!) I have worked on membership and marketing for 5 national non-profit organizations mainly in the Metropolitan Washington DC area. At first I thought there’s no way I could survive these mentally-exhausting job positions, but I surprised myself. I’m still here. Very well and alive! So I guess that means something. I love my position and the job that it entails. Yea, it’s a lot but I fortunately learned how to handle the pressure.

When I first took the marketing job at a pharmaceutical non-profit organization based in Rosslyn (I love that area!), I thought I don’t belong here. Everyone looked very professional, men wearing tie (kind of hot actually), and absolutely strictly business only atmosphere. Well, I told myself “Eh! This is a piece of cake!”. Handled it just fine until 13 months later, I left and felt I had to move on with my career.

Although I miss very few people there and in fact became very close friends with, up until now, I still think I would not have made it very far at that place career-wise. You know people have been there for years and I wasn’t about to replace them. There wasn’t really a space for folks to move up a little in their positions. That’s why people come and go. So no one really pro-long their stay there especially when/if you have an entry level job. So, yea! I said I gotta go.

I left that place with hopes that I could get another job that pays a little bit better and that it has some possibility of pushing me up with my career. Well, in fact, I fortunately got the job I have now through ASAE website (for those who doesn’t know – ASAE stands for American Society of Association Executives, where I proudly belong). Got hired pretty quickly because of my marketing background and my experience with membership marketing. Held the Manager position until two weeks later upgraded my position as Director. Sweet! Wow, speaking of trying to get promoted, that one came phenomenally fast. I couldn’t believe it at first, until when it finally sinked in. That’s why I’m pulling my hair out now–I shouldn’t have taken the job!!! Kidding. I love it.

Well, being in this job now for 3 years, once again tomorrow (Do I hear Congrats?), I thought I’d branch off from marketing and move onto another specialty like web designs, or communications, or publishing. Well, I’m the web designer for two of my clients, with limited means (Gosh, I don’t want to talk about it!) of web design softwares. I think I’d make a good web designer and or a publisher. I’m now working on a project that has to go to press tomorrow and I love the coordination aspect of it–layout, content, proofing, etc. The whole process is very tedious, but very productive and quite a learning experience. You get to know every single person involved in the process. And you know what the most exciting part of it is that after you’ve done what you’re suppose to do, you get a hardcopy of your work. It’s not like Michael Angelo work of art – but certainly worth seeing your hardwork in solid reality. Once this project of mine goes to press, I can’t wait to see my work as a hardcopy!!!

The whole of this blog is to say I’m getting fed up with marketing stuff, and I want to move on and tackle other things and perhaps become a designer, or a publisher, or a public speaker. Nah, that’s too ambitious! But, you know what–maybe it’s possible. Definitely possible!

In the coming days I’ll be discussing with my Executive Director regarding the possibility of letting go of membership marketing completely and tackle on more executive type of stuff like board and committee management and/or finance. We’ll see . . .

I will blog about me going back to school again at NOVA next time… For now, good night!

The Executive

The Executive (Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Intuition)

As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are “take charge” people.

ENTJs are very career-focused, and fit into the corporate world quite naturally. They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around – especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership. They’re tireless in their efforts on the job, and driven to visualize where an organization is headed. For these reasons, they are natural corporate leaders.

There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people’s feelings, and more than likely don’t believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people’s feelings. ENTJs, like many types, have difficulty seeing things from outside their own perspective. Unlike other types, ENTJs naturally have little patience with people who do not see things the same way as the ENTJ. The ENTJ needs to consciously work on recognizing the value of other people’s opinions, as well as the value of being sensitive towards people’s feelings. In the absence of this awareness, the ENTJ will be a forceful, intimidating and overbearing individual. This may be a real problem for the ENTJ, who may be deprived of important information and collaboration from others. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.

The ENTJ has a tremendous amount of personal power and presence which will work for them as a force towards achieving their goals. However, this personal power is also an agent of alienation and self-aggrandizement, which the ENTJ would do well to avoid.

ENTJs are very forceful, decisive individuals. They make decisions quickly, and are quick to verbalize their opinions and decisions to the rest of the world. The ENTJ who has not developed their Intuition will make decisions too hastily, without understanding all of the issues and possible solutions. On the other hand, an ENTJ who has not developed their Thinking side will have difficulty applying logic to their insights, and will often make poor decisions. In that case, they may have brilliant ideas and insight into situations, but they may have little skill at determining how to act upon their understanding, or their actions may be inconsistent. An ENTJ who has developed in a generally less than ideal way may become dictatorial and abrasive – intrusively giving orders and direction without a sound reason for doing so, and without consideration for the people involved.

Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people’s feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems – sometimes rather serious problems.

ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they’re energized and stimulated primarily externally. There’s nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren’t too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.

ENTJs want their home to be beautiful, well-furnished, and efficiently run. They’re likely to place much emphasis on their children being well-educated and structured, to desire a congenial and devoted relationship with their spouse. At home, the ENTJ needs to be in charge as much as he or she does in their career. The ENTJ is likely best paired with someone who has a strong self-image, who is also a Thinking type. Because the ENTJ is primarily focused on their careers, some ENTJs have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally.

The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don’t forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.

The Pursuit of a New Home

The biggest stressor in my life right now is dealing with the fact that, at this point, I’m still unable to relocate to California. Wondering when I’m able to pay off all my bills; wondering how I can do it all quick and easy (prognosis: not very likely); wondering how am I to deal with being away from my family and some close friends; wondering what California has in line to offer me.

I have to be honest, I’m a little impatient and anxious. I keep oscillating the idea of moving either now or after achieving my CAE designation in two years. For right now my gut dictates my brain to wait until I get that three-letter designation after my name, then find a job out in the west coast and move. But, even still I’m not sure how things are going to turn out.

What keeps me trudging along is the fact that I have full support from my family and the hope that I will be able to find the so-called ‘special someone’. For whatever reason, I had been having this feeling that someone out there in California is holding his breath until I get there. And, because my experience here in Washington, DC to find someone worth dating have failed very frequently that if I don’t do anything and everything in my power to get everything on this end settled and that I can’t move for any unexpected reason, I would be passing a great opportunity to finally meet that person and consider him my partner in life.

I realized, however, that this isn’t just about me. I’m hyper-aware of the efforts that it would take to make this happen, the consequences that comes with it, and most especially all the prior financial commitments that I have accumulated over the course of the last 5 years. I’m sure that I will get to meet my soulmate – but I started to realize though how much improvements there is to work on within myself before I can move on into another relationship. I suppose other more important things takes priority as oppose to my attention only channeled just into one area. I believe that opportunity will come one day but important things comes first.

I hope it is not happening the way things are going, but I get it… If I had more things under control, things would not be the way they are…

I wish that I can get up one morning and decide to move to wherever I want. California just happened to be where most of my family friends and relatives live. Though I have cousins in New York, I am reluctant with the idea of living in New York. I’m sure New York is as enjoyable as San Francisco – but I’d rather be cruising out in the west coast, where some of us would feel ‘at home’. On top of that, some place where more people are lenient with any type of lifestyle you wish to live. A place you can call Home. A place where you’d feel the world isn’t on you for a change.

I’ve got it bad…but there’s nothing bad about this. All I want to do is find myself some place new, able to spark endless possibilities, create a new direction for my career and essentially my love life, and the interest of moving on and living my life with all my best and hopefully share that with someone. Also to prove that I can be on my own outside my family surveillance and that I can make my achievements and get through struggles preferably with no one’s help, but mine. I just hope that I don’t lose the burning interest in me and that I move forward with achieving my goals no matter what it takes. If time is what’s at stake, I will spare it. If money is what it needs, I will gain it. If leaving my family would involve it, I will have to compromise my longing. All of that I will need to consider when that time comes. In order to get where I want to be, I’ll have to close my eyes and bite the bullet. I hope my support system will continue moving me forward.

I’m usually determined to get what I want – but, at this point in time, I will have to slow down my engine and take one thing at a time. I’m sure I’ll get to where I want to be in no time. For God’s sake, I’m only 26 years old. However, before I hit the BIG 30 I want to become an executive, which I will in December 2010. I’ve already calculated the amount of time I still have to put in to meet all the exam eligibility requirements and it turned out slightly two more years is what I need to meet that, as well as passing the CAE exam, of course!

Sorry this whole entry was slightly mushy and rather annoying – but my robot heart finally starting to feel and long for what it needs.

EDIT: I know I blogged about this before and probably getting old now – but I just wanted to finally get it out of my brain for a little while until when I have rather significant milestone to talk about. This entry is indicative of my rather impatience and self-centric ego to live in the big San Francisco City! If me moving to San Francisco doesn’t turn very well, at least I can still move on some place else with my CAE. But, at least I gotta try it. That’s the only way. Wish me luck. I need it!

ASAE & CAE Exam

In preparation for my CAE examination in 2010, the other day I attended a 1-hour audio visual presentation called “Got CAE?” moderated by two representatives from the ASAE CAE Certification Commission. The presentation was to provide exam orientation for those individuals who are making CAE their designation. I must say that it provided quite a number of tips and network resources that candidates can purchase, or attend to, which are to assist and educate them as to what the content of the exam will cover. Candidates can purchase reference handbooks, join listservs, network with other professionals through discussion or focus groups, etc. Any of these means of study will cost roughly $1000-$1500 all together. Since my exam is in 2010, I could probably break this cost and incrementally save money for it. In either way, it is an investment to my professional career which is in a long run going to excel my marketability in the non-profit world.

Oh, so one of the text books mentioned were “Association Law Handbook”, which fortunately my superior has a copy of. It is one big thick 500 or so page book, which talks about every single aspect of association management all in “law perspective”. I actually took it home last night and started to skim through it and there were several areas that I was really interested in, like for example, the call of duties of an executive director, which is essentially the role of a Chief Executive Officer or Chief Staff Executive. My career is not in that level (yet!) – but having their responsibilities conceptualized through this book I’m about to read I will have a broader understanding how essential an ED is to an association and how their responsibilities drive and shape it. Like what my superior said it is way more complex than it looks – but understanding an ED role in various perspectives, but in the “law perspective” it would provide me an overall positive impact to what I already know.

Being associated with the American Society of Association Executives (ASAE) for almost 4 years now I will say that it made some tremendous positive elevation to my professional expertise. Networking with others in the same area and soon from other specialties I must say the greatest and most effective way to learn about association management. In mingling with others, there are hundreds – if not thousands – of the younger generation that are now in the non-profit workforce throughout the country. However, very few of them though are in their junior professional management career like myself. Although I had been working and helping operate associations during the last 4 years, my career is yet to be in that senior level. But, when I hit the 10 year mark, I will be qualified for a senior management position.

I would also like to point out that the non-profit workforce are in fact expanding rapidly throughout the country. Although the majority of them are centralized in the Metropolitan Washington DC area. The few associations not headquartered in DC are most likely trade associations and philantrophic organizations. The larger group, on the other hand, is made up with a variety of professional membership and trade associations, such as medical, educational, science, research, training, law, manufacture, agriculture, and community-based associations. All of which involves both earlier and recent generations working within them. My generation is either in the administrative operational positions (or best known entry levels) or junior management positions (like Managers and/or Directors). Whatever position either generation may have it just amazes me with the number of young individuals who start their work-life working for non-profit organizations. That’s where I started and it took me quite a number of years to get to where I am – over 6 years from being a Customer Service Representative to being a Marketing and Conference Program Director. For those who are in their younger age, if you have the interests in pursuing a career in association management, I suggest that you join ASAE and start mingling with other young professionals and gain your knowledge and experience. Start as early as possible and you’ll never know you might surpass my to-date accomplishment. Give it a try!

Well, over the next few months I will be studying the law handbook and continue to network until I’m fully ready to sit for the exam. I hope I will pass so that I can finally move to San Francisco (I hope before then, though!) Fun, fun, fun!

Oh, and by the way, my superior recently passed her CAE exam so she is now a Certified Association Executive – the “Ph.D. of association management”!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

d-Jae

Rolling the Dice Again…

So here I am again trying to find a relatively good job out in the west coast – most specifically, San Francisco – since my first attempt 9 months ago didn’t go very well. I’m still shocked, though, with the outcome of my long-distance interview but at some point in your life you learn to accept certain things that may not necessarily what you like happen or done. However, I’m still trying to recover from that and continue to explore other options. “First times” are bound to not work, you know…

During lunch one day this past week, my boss and I had a brief, but yet intensive conversation about the fact that, indeed, it’s been 3 weeks since we got back from San Francisco. She and I couldn’t believe how time flew by us so quick and here we are yet planning again for next year’s conference. Anyway, she mentioned about the difference with my attitude that she had been noticing during the past three weeks. When we got back, I bluntly told her that I was depressed about being back in Virginia and she understood it. No other words needed to be said to her and all she said was to follow my heart and my dream. With that said, I had the gut to tell her that I started looking for a job in San Francisco and one of these days I might be turning in my two-week notice. She appeared to be supportive with my plan and made me aware of the amount of effort I will need to do in order to get all my ducks in a row, and I said thanks for your support! She’s the type of person that supports people who wants to be better themselves whether educational, professional, or lifestyle, etc. And I didn’t think she’d stop me from doing what makes me happy. She made sure I know that I have her full support.

So I gave that idea some more thought and it may be something that is worth doing and could possibly give me the things I look for – new beginning, new faces, and a new direction with my life! Every other day, if not every nigth, I continue to log on at www.asaenet.org to browse through directorship positions that are in the non-profit sector out in California. Very few of them though but when they do come out available they are worth applying for. I mentioned to her that I applied for a job close to a year ago and she said to keep trying and eventually I will find the right fit. I am aware of the cost of living down there but my plan is to start from the bottom and will make my way up as I settle myself. I have realized that you can’t get everything you want the way you want them to be so that means that you make due of what you got and work your way around it and make it work for you. I will use the “Give up something to get something” concept in order to get what I want. Speaking of job, as a meeting professional, we use that concept a lot when making negotiations with the hotel management to use their property for meetings/events and usually you get what you ask, after giving up something. So by compromising I might be able to get something in return hoping 10 times bigger in size. Sometimes you’ll have to lose some things in order to follow your dreams.

There is no date set or time frame of when I will be able to find a job. I’m basically looking for a job that would essentially offer me same benefits and same opportunities for professional growth, if not more. God knows when and where. I will leave it to his hands. I won’t know for sure whether I’m fortunate enough or not until when it happens. However, I try what I can – everything I can – to get to that dream. As a side note, I hope I get to see Miguel again when that time comes. I hope so … I really do!

Don’t give up d-Jae, you’re not known for that so keep trying! Have a good rest of the weekend everyone!

d-Jae

Degree: Need Time & Money

So today I did a lot of thinking about trying to get a college degree, which I have been neglectful about for the past several years. At first right after graduating from high school, the idea of achieving a degree was exciting until when I came to U.S. almost 7 years ago. That goal kind of died as I started plunging into the work force and concentrated doing other things. I think this may be the perfect time to aim for that important piece of paper documenting a significant achievement of my life. The thought of investing not only a year, but several years to going to school and attend one or two classes per a standard semester is rather discouraging. But, if I put my mind to it, I can definitely do it. The outrageous amount of time including money that will be spent will have to be overlooked and rather desire the overall impact to my career (life in general) in a big picture.

Since I have been in the non-profit business for last 6 years I think I will want a degree in one of these areas: Political Science, Public Administration, Social Policy and Justice, or Communications – all of which would be applicable to association management and are preferable in the non-profit world. I was talking to my superior today that I want to become a Senior Vice President of Government Relations and Leadership Development someday, and she said “Well, you better get started with your degree!”. She is definitely right, though! If I want that job, I must get my degree-whatever it takes! Time and money might be a little tight, but again if I put my mind to it, I should be able to do it. I made sure though that she understands that I would be doing this “all by myself”. Quite frankly, the amount of sacrifices I would be faced to is unbearable – but I told myself “d-Jae, you can do this!”. I suppose in order to live the lifestyle that I want, which is living and working in San Francisco, I need to get my act together. Those of you who are reading this, this could be a wake up call to do the same. To get what you want, you need to get that degree-one way or the other!

I must say that quite a number of years ago my outlook on getting a college degree was quite a low standard, but thanks to me bringing the whole “I want to take another class in the Fall” to my boss I rather heard the most irritating but encouraging sermon in my life. Quite frankly she has been my one and only “motivator”. I personally think she has some personal interest in the fact of me getting a degree, which I would not mention it here. I’m just glad I have someone push my button (because I’m stubborn) but help me become more determined to achieve my goals. Do I have the time and money? Money I might not have, but certainly time I do. 26 years old? Yea, I think I can do it…and so can you!